How Much Weight Should You Lose?

Choose a practical weight-loss goal
that allows you to live from the heart today!

Before going gluten free, hubby and I used to go out for breakfast at our favorite little neighborhood cafe every weekend. I always had a nice time there.

Partly, because of hubby's company. It was difficult to find time to be with him back then because he spent so much time working, trying to earn enough money to take good care of us.

When he wasn't working, he watched television to relax or he was caring for me because I still had a difficult time walking and doing things on my own. It was very painful and difficult to walk with the vertigo and neuropathy. And I still had trouble doing things for myself.

Although I'd taught myself how to walk again, rainy weather and my monthly cycle always knocked me off my feet again, due to the water retention that always brings.

The other part is because the cafe always did the best they could to fulfill my low-carb needs. Those low-carb needs came after the vertigo had improved to the point where I was only partly bedridden.

We liked the cafe not only because it had a good atmosphere and a great bantering waitress, but because they also catered to my low-carb needs and desires. They were always willing to adapt to hubby's food needs as well.

They made us absolutely anything we wanted.

At this particular cafe, we could get a good amount of food for a fair price, unlike most places we had gone to in our area. Most of the places we tried insisted that I couldn't make any low-carb substitutions. Yet, they still charged us full price for the half a meal, or less, that they served me.

I usually walked away still hungry.

That morning, however, the bantering waitress we particularly liked wasn't working. The normal Saturday cook was the waitress instead, and the owner of the restaurant was cooking.

Although that day's waitress was familiar with my odd requests, having cooked for me on Saturday mornings before, we had never really discussed my new low-carb lifestyle with her. Nor the owner either for that matter.

Only with the waitress that wasn't there.

So that day was a new opportunity to share my weight-loss successes, as well as the successes of a healthy low-carb lifestyle in general.

The waitresses' reaction to what I had to do to lose that much weight was:

"Oh I couldn't do THAT. I'm too weak."

I thought this was a bit funny for her to say because she wasn't overweight. Not even a little bit.

In fact, she was about the size I want to be when I am done with the weight-loss phase I'm still in. I didn't want to be skinny-skinny. Still don't, because I don't really want to be that.

I don't want to be skinny.

I just want to be able to get down on the floor with my precious little granddaughter and play with her like I did my kids. With my swollen right knee -- it's twice the size of my left one -- I can't do that anymore.

When I got down to 145 before, I could, but I can't do that today, so that's where I want to get back to. Back to where I can physically do some of the things I can't do today.

Although, I've lost about 54 pounds again, my knee is still too large to be able to get down on the floor and get back up without hubby lifting me up.

The waitress wasn't looking for a practical reason to be thinner. The waitress wanted to be skinny, and I didn't really know what to say to that.

I always thought it was just us fat folks who suffered with a distorted body image.

Inside my head, I don't feel fat, so I don't really see myself accurately. But neither did that woman. She really looked good, yet she still considered herself to be fat.

I'm guessing it was because she couldn't fit into a pair of skinny jeans. You know, the kind of slim-legged jeans that skinny women often wear to emphasize their super-thin legs.

This whole experience got me thinking about just how much weight we should typically strive to achieve. Do we want to lose weight for vain reasons, health, or what?

Vanity Versus Health and Fitness

When the owner of the cafe came out and asked me how long it had taken me to lose as much weight as I had up to that point, she said she wanted to know because she thought I looked good.

I can't remember how much I weighed then, but I didn't feel good that day.

In fact, the question made me think of how all of us don't see ourselves as clearly as we need to see ourselves in order to grow and develop, becoming more responsible and more mature as we move forward through the challenges of life.

Both the owner and waitress were seeking after a weight-loss plan that brought very quick results.

Something effortless.

Something that fit closely with how they were already eating. Or something that would allow them to go back to how they were eating now, after the weight was gone.

I wasn't really able to help them.

All I could do was emphasize the importance of making whatever they chose to do -- permanent.

Because when you get caught in the trap of vanity, instead of focusing on health and fitness, you can't see what you're doing to yourself right now.

You can't see where you are, so you also can't see where you need to go.

They both clearly understood permanency. Or at least, said they did, but they didn't really. They weren't looking for permanent changes. They weren't looking for something different.

They were looking for something to make them feel better about themselves. They were basing their self worth on the size of their jeans.

The owner was in the situation that is similar to many of us. She lost all of her weight once, a long time ago, but she regained it all back because she didn't continue with what she had done to lose the weight.

Instead of making slight adjustments to what she was already eating and living her life fully, she went back to her old habits of living from the head.

How Much Weight Loss is Enough?

How many pounds should you actually lose?
What's a healthy weight?

After walking outside, I asked hubby if he thought the waitress was overweight because I thought I would like to get down to where she was, then stop.

Today, I realize this wasn't a valid question.

What is important is how I feel inside about what I think I should weigh, but at the time, I followed hubby more than I should have.

He didn't think she was overweight at all.

In fact, he got kind of excited when I said I just wanted to be where she was at.

What didn't dawn on me that day was that if that is where I really want to be, then I should set that goal for myself, and not ask for hubby's opinion. But I value what he thinks because he has more wisdom than I do.

Much more experience in living from the heart.

Since I can't see myself as clearly as I would like to, I went to the most important person in my life for their opinion. And when it matched mine, it gave me more confidence to do what I had already decided to do.

When I did Kimkins, a low-fat low-carb plan, and I watched many frustrated women starve themselves down to a size 3 or 4, and some were struggling to get down to a size 1 or 2, but hubby begged me not to lose that much weight.

I didn't like how they looked, so I didn't want that for me.

I honestly don't always follow hubby's opinions, but at that point in my life, we had very different beliefs. However, on this one topic, we were totally in agreement.

The purpose of me entering into the low-carb lifestyle was to lose the weight, so I could be more physically active and begin to do more things with my time -- outside of blogging.

To hubby, weight loss was for health. Not vanity.

His opinion was that most women want to return to what they weighed when they graduated from high school. He doesn't believe that is healthy. Nor always possible as you age.

Over the years, I've been watching women do exactly that. In fact, they even say so on many low-carb forums -- that they want to weigh what they did in high school.

Maybe, you feel the very same way.

I just wanted to be able to get down on my knees and scrub out the tub without having to experience a lot of pain. Today, that's a shower pan, but the women on weight-loss forums always think this attitude is weird to them.

They like to talk about clothes and food and compliments they get, people noticing how much weight they have lost or that they're now in a smaller size.

But all I want is to be able to live my life without so much pain and discomfort. I want to be able to do things I can't do now due to the physical problems I have from weighing so much.

So what is really driving you to achieve the goals that you have set for yourself?

Health and fitness?

Or vanity?

Vanity and Weight Loss Stalls

When you fall short of your weight-loss goal or the weight doesn't come off as quickly and easily as you hoped it would, what happens then?

Quite a few of us begin to feel like we are failing ourselves.

Like we're very weak, as the waitress expressed. Like we are doomed right now to be forever fat, so why bother fighting with fate. Let's just eat and let the pounds come as they may.

I always thought that trying to lose weight at all was vanity and pride, but I've come to realize over the years that it's the attitude that we have, the drive to change, and the honest reasons behind why we're dieting that makes the difference.

I'm beginning to understand that the truth really does sit somewhere between the two extremes of dieting versus not-dieting.

In fact, what we're doing by moving to a low-carb lifestyle really isn't about the dieting aspect of it at all. Yes, your food habits change, but if your attitude and ability to see vanity for what it is doesn't become a part of the present experience, then permanent change isn't possible.

You have to be able to let go of your vain ambitions and replace them with what is truly in your heart.

Because whatever weight-loss goal you set for yourself today has to be something you can easily maintain. Otherwise, you'll just find yourself back where you started from.

And maybe, if you're not very careful, you'll find yourself in a place that is even worse.

I don't want to fight with my weight.

I don't want to fight to keep myself at a particular spot in life just so I can brag about the size I wear. I don't want to fight to live from the heart.

I just want to live my life.

So, I'm giving up low-carb dieting and replacing it with a healthier mindset. A lower-carb lifestyle that is easier to maintain. A lifestyle that doesn't include as much meat and vegetables as I used to eat.

A lifestyle that is more balanced and right for me.

A lifestyle that still falls under the definition of a low-carb diet, but a lifestyle that doesn't think about dieting at all.

Just living.

I want to live from the heart and not be so concerned with how much I weigh today, or what size I am right now.

I'd rather eat smaller portions than tons of meat and salad. I'd rather be more active and do things because I enjoy doing them than to put an exercise program on hold because it conflicts with a low-carb lifestyle.

Sure, exercise is not negotiable on Atkins, but you also have to dial it in to fit your particular body's needs.

The goal for me is still to get down to a healthy weight.

Preferably, something that will allow me to sit down on the floor again or scrub out the shower pan without pain and suffering, but for each of us, that final weight is going to be different.

We can't all lose weight for the same reason.

What that reason is will depend on your age, height, and health issues, so all of these things need to be taken into serious consideration.

This is why I have decided to enlarge this blog to be more inclusive of all dieting styles because no matter what diet plan you choose to adopt for your lifestyle, almost all of them involve kicking out the carbs that are cluttering up your life.

In my own case, living from the heart will be a much better lifestyle choice because I'm honestly sick and tired of dieting. I am sick and tired of counting calories, carbs, and fat grams.

It's enough to have to check up on my blood glucose levels.

I long to get on with my life, to ignore what all those height and weight charts tell me I should weigh.

Because I just can't see myself weighing 100 pounds ever again. I can't even see myself weighing what I did in high school: 107 pounds.

I'm more able to see myself at 145 to 165, so I can be at a weight that I can easily maintain with no counting, no fighting, and no obsessive concerns.

A weight that allows me to live joyously.

I guess the point that I'm trying to make is that as Kickin' Carb Clutter moves forward from here, we need to make sure we are setting realistic goals for ourselves, and choosing a weight-loss plan that we can actually live with for the rest of our lives.

That way, we won't fall short of our goal. We won't set ourselves up to fail.

The failure stops today.

Today, I'm going to start living from the heart.

So -- how about you?